Do jokes
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they donโt like dicks.
What do you call an Irish person having a seizure? A Shamrock Shake.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
Abortion clinics don't do deliveries.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
Why did God create women before men?
He didnโt want any advice on how to do it.
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?
Alabama wind chimes.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. ๐๐๐๐
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
What do you call a surprised Asian?
Ho Lee Fuc.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?
It's the only way theyโll get love.
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"