Derailment jokes

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.

I broke up with my girlfriend, so I stole her wheelchair, and guess who came crawling back.

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.