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3 dudes are prepared to become priest.The head priest says go complete one bad deed before you vow your life to no sins.They say ok.The first dude comes back and the head priest says so what did you do.I robbed a gas station he responded.Ok go wash yourself in the holy water to cleanse yourself of your sins.The second guy comes back and tells the head priest that he robbed a bank.Ok thats a little overkill but go wash yourself in the holy water.The third guy comes back and the Head priest says there is no way you can top what the other two did but please what did you do.The third guy responds I peed in the holy water.

My mom died and we didnt know her blood type. Before she passed she kept saying "be positive", but its hard without her.

A person walks into a ladies house and says “I’m gunna kill you.” And she’s says “you fool you can’t kill me” and the guy asks “why not” and she reply’s “ I’m in the living room” and the guys says “hey can you get me a drink?” And the lady walks in the kitchen and gets shot in the back

ROUND 3: A thief enters a shop and threatens the clerk, forcing him to open the safe. The clerk says, "The code for the safe is different every day, and if you hurt me you'll never get the code". But the thief manages to guess the code on his own

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I mistakenly sexted my wife’s sister A couple years ago I was on a business trip and missing my wife. I decided to take a suggestive picture (me in my boxer briefs, clearly with a bulge and just the tip sticking out the top) and send it to my wife. We don’t usually sext but I figured she’d appreciate knowing I was thinking of her.

It was late, I was tired, and barely paying attention. I accidentally sent it to her s… Read more

When Jeremy Maclin went down, when, when, he tore his ACL and his fuckin’ MCL in the same goddamn day, dawg, I was over here, I’m lookin’ like, “Aw, shit, man, Jeremy Maclin went down”. Everybody’s all y’know, mad and pissed off, I’m lookin’ like, man, I’m lookin’ like, man, y’know I hope Jeremy Maclin ge-e-et better, but fuck, time for Riley Cooper, that [EXPUNGED]‘s a fuckin’ beast, fuckin’ hog, fuckin’ ballin’ out in the show, I mean, I mean, the [EXPUNGED]‘s a fuckin’ monster, you kno-ow what I’m saying, Riley Cooper, man, that dude, shit. Love him! Now I look like a fuckin’ idiot, man

Alright, so it’s a good thing I didn’t buy yo fuckin’ Jersey. Riley Cooper on some real shit. I was really gonna buy yo Jersey, I had my eyes set on it, man. I always thought of you bein’ a low-key fuckin’ beast, okay, fuckin’ monster, fuckin’ hog, fuckin’ ball out of control, okay? But as you guys know man Riley Cooper, he came out and used the word [EXPUNGED], okay? Now, I understand that he was drunk at a fuckin’ … Read more

y'all be thinking the stigg and the ngg and the n!gg and zan!ggg are actually passionate about what they say when really they just bored asl and laugh they ass off when you interact wit them

I kinda wanna stay here all alone keep to myself and just stay home Having to correct every thought I have might be part of the reason I feel sad But life supposedly gets easier this way Or so they say But I guess I just can't give in When the world tells me no I still feel it in my bones Yeah this is our society but i'm coming clean I'm still a believer Let's call a cab and we'll get out of town Two blocks down we'l… Read more

Little Sara, you're a diamond in the rough And I know that you don't hear this all enough And I'm sure that's why your wrists have tons of cuts And I'm sure that's why you think you're not enough On your nineteenth birthday you thought that you were done Tons of people in your home, but it only felt like one 'Cause your brain can only think about the waiting loaded gun But your friends are all still here, so pretend … Read more

No one ever really likes me for more than just a couple weeks and ill push and push until you leave. & if you try n stick around ill try my best to let you down until you get sick of me. I hate having friends, I just bend and bend and bend them til they break. I guess i'm fake. You're not gonna stick around for more than just a couple rounds of this shit. People pack their bags and leave, and say they just need … Read more

If you want u can join our friend group. group name is dumbledore's army so say why you want to join and u dont need to ask to join. me and royal r the only ones so far