A Cry for Help

I sleep so much because sleeping is my only escape. I wanna feel alive, I wanna feel worth something but with the amount of shit I've gone through I fucking can't. I have panic attacks over nothing, on Friday I was boutta have one during school bc of all the shit going on. I've started starving myself to feel somewhat normal yet no matter what I do I'm nothing. I didn't even ask to be brought here yet I still get treated like a fucking mistake.

there's ALWAYS a " don't give up it'll get better " its been almost 7 fucking years. I just think its my sign to give up :)

Hi hey it’s me the guy with good timing

I won’t give you the dont give up shpiel but I can hop on discord if you wanna talk

no its fine, ill be ok.

You’re not a mistake, and you don’t need to be prettier, skinnier, taller, nicer, any of that stuff

honestly I do, ive been bullied for 6 fucking years straight. I can't handle it anymore.

I will personally drive to Texas and beat the living fuck out of anyone who’s treating you bad because that’s not what you deserve

You’re amazing Rylee, so many people know that. You don’t deserve any of this, but the fact that it’s happening means that there really is something better around the corner

7 years ago was when I also descended into the worst pit of shit I’ve ever been to. My life was a living hell.

well ig id be the only remaining person in Texas.

If that’s what has to be done then so be it

im glad u got out of it.

And that’s why I want to help you and so many others get out of it

I know what it’s like to be hopeless. Out of options

But the truth is, there’s always another one somewhere

I'm really not, I mean my own boyfriend hardly ever treats me somewhat decent.

not for me.

I’ll beat the extra fuck out of Ethan. If he was ever on, I’d go fucking wild on his ass

one day a week were fine

the other 6 something happens.

not even a day, the only time were ok is lunch which is only 30-40 mins.

Rylee you’re incredible, God has an amazing plan for you. The things that happen in our lives are for a reason. I believe that the reason I went through such horrible shit for so long was for this very reason, so I could help people like you going through the same thing

Did I ever tell you to read Romans 8:28?

“We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” ‭‭

I honestly think gods plan for me is just to control me by strings until I'm too miserable nd kms.

I love god but I'm sick of this shit.

the world is too fucking cruel.

But it’s not. The Lord doesn’t do anything like this just for it all to end

sometimes I believe that's the only answer.

You’re right. You’re absolutely right. But that’s why it’s up to us to be the light.

“You have turned things around, as if the potter were the same as the clay. How can what is made say about its maker, “He didn’t make me”? How can what is formed say about the one who formed it, “He doesn’t understand what he’s doing”?” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭29‬:‭16‬ ‭CSB‬‬

I please everyone just so they can feel like the light, yet they turn around and do the most cruelest thing ever. its so disgusting.

It is. It really is

But think about what happened on the cross

I know

Think about what Jesus did for humanity, and how they shamed him, tortured him, killed him, spat on him

Are we not to live in his footsteps? Are we not to forgive those who persecute us?

Jesus was the most amazing person, he didn't deserve it,

And so are you

But he went through it for a reason. A very important reason

I don't get how Jesus can forgive everyone.

There’s a reason behind your pain

Exactly. It’s amazing, isn’t it?

We can’t comprehend it, yet we have to aspire to be like it

It’s confusing, but profound.

its just so fucking draining.

I'm drained to the point where I genuinely can't cry anymore.

I know. I know it is. I know that feeling exactly

The point of no emotion, of no feeling.

It’s dreadful, isn’t it?

very.

I'm even on medication to feel somewhat human but all it does is make me wanna fake my emotions even more

I remember that as well

when I'm around everyone I act ok and "the class clown" yet when I'm not with anyone or with people I hardly know I don't even speak to my teachers.

Rylee, this may seem pointless, it may seem like you don’t even know how to do it, but at this point the most important thing to do is turn it over to the Lord

it just hurts cause he never tries to stop things that I went through.

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never allow the righteous to be shaken.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭55‬:‭22‬ ‭CSB‬‬

But there’s a reason for it

God puts us through trials

So that we can learn and grow

But he will never do anything that we truly cannot handle

And when the devil terrorizes our life with things like this, we must hand it over to the one who has defeated sin, who has defeated evil

he let me get SA, let me lose my grandpa,bestfriend,cat all on my birthday, let me get bullied for almost 7 years straight, let me get abused by my own fucking family.

he let me get fucking raped by my own family member.

Have you read the book of Job?

I was 3 months old, 3 FUCKING MONTHS.

I’m so incredibly sorry you had to go through that Rylee. The evil in this world is disgusting.

no I haven't read it.

I suggest you read it. Iirc it’s relatively short, or you could even read a summary

it was my bio dad, he's in jail though.

I still need to read it, but from what I know about it, you could probably learn quite a bit

I will tmr

Well that’s good that he got punished for something like that

yeah.

Okay I guess it’s a bit longer

I gtg im leaving to go to the airport.

ill tty tomorrow.

Alright. Here, tell you what, I’ll read it too.

Then we can talk about it throughout and after

I promise we WILL get through this Rylee.

okay , send me the website link.

You’re not alone, no matter how much you may think.

ill read it tmr when I wake up.

feels like I am.

“There was a man in the country of Uz named Job. He was a man of complete integrity, who feared God and turned away from evil.” ‭‭Job‬ ‭1‬:‭1‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Oops

Sorry one sec I accidentally just copied the first verse.

okay

https://www.bible.com/bible/1713/JOB.1.1.CSB

See if that works

The app is pretty nice and easy to use too if you wanna get that

job 1?

Yeah that should be the first chapter

okay ill read it tmr. goodnight.

Goodnight!

Jake?

Hey, what’s up?

I’d say you’re pretty damn fine, Ethan’s girlfriend.

Based

like mentally?

You’re fine looking.

Based bro

Fr

Bro has the Dagger Rizz

LOLLLL

well thank you :)