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What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles.

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

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    • My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

    Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.

    The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

    Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.

    Did Jesus die a virgin?

    Of course not, you idiot. He got nailed before he died!

    Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?

    Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!

    Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!

    Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

    I still remember the last thing Gaster said before he kicked the bucket, it was, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" (Sans)

    Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."

    Do you know what Fortnite was like before season 2 chapter 3? They put the Foundation / The Rock in the water where aliens were that season.

    What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?

    You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.

    I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

    I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.