Are jokes

Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?

Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Is that what you think? You have no clue, you fool!

Why are orphans bad at Yahtzee?

They don't know what a house is.

Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!

Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?

Me: Word.

You know when people say a joke about living?

That's because we are all living a joke.

Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?

Why are emos jealous of light?

The lights are hanging.

You are so fat and ugly, Chucky didn't even want to play with you.

Your hairline and your eyebrows are social distancing.

Tyler is ugly.

If you are called Tyler, change your name.

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?

Nothing, they are both orphans.

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.

We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?

Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.

Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.