And jokes

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.

Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!

President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.

Oh well, that's politics.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."

  • 1

    • What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

    One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

    My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

    There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.