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If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

What do an Olympic silver medalist and a Catholic priest have in common?

A: They both come in a little behind.

What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*

Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.

The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.

The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.

What's the difference between emos and 9/11?

The emos are still there, high up off the ground.

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.

The death toll went sky high.

Hey so I like orphan jokes, and some of them are fun, but I think that's engonp.

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.