And jokes
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.
What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?
Nothing.
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."