And jokes
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.
How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.
What's the difference between Batman and Robin?
Batman can go to the store without robbin'.
Q. What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?
A. Blue, one blue this way and one blue the other way.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
I figured I would steel it and put it on this site. I mean, it was either that, or lose it forever.
Me and my life.
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick :)
I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Beth was from Spain and she had a pig. What did they call her?
Beth-la-ham
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.