And jokes

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

What's the difference between 20 and 14?

9 to 10 years.

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.

The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

I was walking, and I saw an orphan, and I said, "Where are your parents?"

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

Q: What's yellow and can't swim?

A: A school bus full of children.

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

Guy 2 whispering: Oh, I got tired of acting gay.

Guy 1: I heard you. Why are you acting gay?

Guy 2: To attract gays and then give them advice.

Guy 1: So what's your advice to me?

Guy 2: That I just know you're gay.

LOL xD

I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.

I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!

Once, there was a brother and a sister that shared a YouTube channel. He named it "Penis Dick Marathon."

What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.

Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

So you're the one!