And jokes

What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.

My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."

So I said, "But which one?"

What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.

What's the difference between sand and food? Africans have plenty of sand.

What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?

Your dick shots longer.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.

A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?

The dinosaur once existed.

So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?

The blond because she had to ask for directions.

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

They ordered Domino's and got "gets".

Why were the Twin Towers sad?

They ordered Dominos and got Jets.

An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.

Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.

A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."

Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.

Teacher and kid.

Kid: Hey, teacher.

Teacher: Yes?

Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not.

Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!