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Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

  • 9

    • You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?

    There was none, it was all white!

    Friend 1: I HATE YOU!

    Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!

    Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*

    Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.

    All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*

    I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

    I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

  • 3

    • Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

    When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."

  • 5

    • So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.

    Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.

    I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

  • 1

    • What's the difference between all the jokes on this page? Nothing, they're all knockoffs of old jokes you've already heard that aren't funny. Penis!