Aed jokes

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

What do you call a high school student?

Alone and depressed.

Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?

Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.

What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

Sonic can run around the world in a second.

In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?

A: One got to finish a race.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...

There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.

I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.