Aed jokes
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
Robert Scott is a NumNut.
Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.
And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.
Q. What's a 9/11 survivor's least favorite bagel? A. Plain.
What's a convict's favorite song?
"I want to break free."
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
Do you know a funny bus driver? I do.
If you look at this joke, you are going to meet a Catholic priest tomorrow.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.
Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!
What do you do when you get a boy named Jackson? You dump him.
Laugh.
Q: What song were the pilots of 9/11 listening to? A: 'So Let's Set The World On Fire.'
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
What do you call a sad rapper?
A SOB-HOP ARTIST.
One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.