Aed jokes

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?

Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.

If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?

What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?

Cracking open a cold one with the boys.

Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.

Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?

A: It’s always 90 degrees.

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.

Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."

What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?

Coldplay.

How do you pet a psychopath's cat?

You get it out of the microwave.

Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.

Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?

Because it's 90 degrees.

Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

What do you call a high school student?

Alone and depressed.