Aed jokes
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
Why buy a pregnant slave over a normal slave? Buy 1 get 1 free. 😂😂😂😂
How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?