Aed jokes
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
Isn't there a software company named after your dick?
Microsoft?
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart. I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.
A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.
"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.
She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
I read a book on the Tracy Latimer case the other day.
It was a gas.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
What do you call a binder with no rings?
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
So Steven Hawking walks into a bar...
Just kidding!
I got a bowl of rice that you're formed like, an ice cube.
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
What do you call a booty that tells jokes?
A crack-up!
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.
Mase looks like a fat gay dude.
What's the difference between a crumbled man and 9/11... nothing, they're both crumbled.
How do you scare a lot of people in New York?
Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."