Aed jokes

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).

There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."

Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?

A: Blue cheese.

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.

I saw identical twins. I threw a paper plane at them.

A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."

The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"

The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."

How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."

When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.

Me watching a World War 2 documentary.

I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.