What does a cow say when he remembers something? "I have deja moo!"
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold? -- Because it's 90 degrees.
Yo mama like a penny: two faced, worthless and in everybody’s pants
And the lord said unto john come forth and you will receive eternal life, but john came fifth and won a toaster
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common They both say “my moms gonna kill me”
how do you pet a psychopaths cat?
you get it out of the microwave
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
YOU GET A MILKSHAKE!
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? -- He took a day off.
Poor Stephen Hawking couldnt pass the ̈im not a robot ̈ test
Girl: how much do you love me Me: count the stars in the sky Girl awww it’s infinite Me no just a waste of time
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere
What do bees 🐝 brush their hair with?
A honeycomb.
i want to make a joke about kobe but it wont land well
