Aed

Aed jokes

Heaven

    • Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

    The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

    The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

    The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"

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    • Ocean

    • What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.

    Grandfather

    • One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.

    A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”

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    • Aed memes

    Wheelchair

    • I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.

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    • Sausage

    • I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.

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    • Midget

    • Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"

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    • Professor

    • A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

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    • Pill

    • Mom: Wake up!

    Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

    Mom: Why are you disappointed?

    Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

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    • Stripper

    • Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

    Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

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    • Suicide

    • Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

    Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

    Guy: "Yup"

    Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

    Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

    Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

    He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

    We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

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