Aed jokes
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
A blind man handed me a piece of paper. It said, "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽."
I have no idea how he knew.
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.
Your family in a nutshell.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
Glad to present you a wood clock.
https://olegon.ru/clock/
A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"
The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.
"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"
"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans. They knocked down two towers, not three.
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
Good day tomorrow, and what day are they still good today? Good time. Love day! A great night time and...
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
Yo hairline be looking like a chicken nugget, headass.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
To trim his verses.