Aed jokes

I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.

Ya know, Kobe made a real impact on the earth!

One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."

Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"

I asked an emo, "Do they get jealous when their phone dies?"

How do computers get drunk?

They take a screenshot.

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.

Hey Siri, where is my dad?

Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!

Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

...WhAT-

Why did the ACLU block the cellphone number of a Christian nationalist minister? Because the Christian nationalist had a virus on his cellphone and kept calling the ACLU because he wanted to join the ACLU because he wanted to become a card-carrying member of the ACLU.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?

As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."

A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"

Having homosexual parents must be terrible.

Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."

But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.

What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?

A beagle!