Aed jokes

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

A person with a wheelchair makes a joke. No one laughs.

Inner thought: "Wheely Manerva, wheely."

A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.

He orders a beer.

What's bad? A nut allergy.

Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.

Which school supply is king of the classroom? A ruler.

What do you call a group of depressed people?

Sue-icide squad.

What is a similarity between priests and doctors?

They both have fetishes for their professions.

Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"

Me and kid: hug.

Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.

What do you call a man shopping? A half-grown carton of cheese.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

They don’t want to be mistaken for a feminist.

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

On a scale of 8 to 10, how good do I look?

Why do orphans not play sport?

Because they need parents' permission.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.

Never challenge death to a pillow fight.

Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.

The chicken is actually a fruit because it is grown on a pole-tree.

What's more sensitive than a pushy?

A Western man on the internet.