I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy, It usually takes me days
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!". And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated you arms."
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf??
A:Blue Cheese
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well beer nuts are 49 cents but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer you won’t understand it.)
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
What do you get when you cross a panhandler and a politician and a lobbyist and a prostitute and a sodomite a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at your house to convert you to their religion
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?" The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore."
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
I went to the shooting range the other day after a while I realized I was the only one there so I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene, man I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated
A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies "we did, but no one liked it."
is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
I’m not saying I hate you. But if you got hit by a bus I’d be driving that bus.
What does a spy do when he's cold? He goes under cover.
What’s a cannibals favourite takeaway shop
The orphanage
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man do I love being a sniper.
What do you call a high school student? Alone and depressed.
Q: how do you know when an asian broke into your house?
A: you can ́t find your dog.
