Aed jokes
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.
Hi Leyla, I have been trying to reach you for a while. Where have you been? I was wondering if you wanted to chat.
When I wear all black, I'm not emo. I'm a rainbow, 'cause I'm wearing all the colors. #Science
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?
He used a bus.
I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"
What has legs but can't walk?
Don't know? A paralyzed person ;))
How do rappers greet each other?
With a "Mic check, one-two."
Adopted kid:
Hey, Alex, what are you doing?
Alex:
Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."
Adopted kid:
OK, dad Alex.
Alex:
Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!
Adopted kid:
I’m so glad I have a mom.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
"Give me a cigarette," the condemned man said.
"I thought you quit," replied the guard.
"I did, but I don't think it matters anymore."
What do super fancy music conductors wear?
A Louis baton.
What did A say to Y?
"You cannot be alpha like me." :)
Y said, "Why? (Y)"
Canada has free health care, here is a link to some Canada Facts! https://www.1stcontact.com/blog/20-interesting-facts-about-canada
Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
What is the same with a duck and a bicycle? The handlebars--oh, except for the duck.
What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.