Aed jokes
Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.
They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
9/11 victims are the best readers.
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.