Aed jokes
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!
How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth
Why I come here instead of reddit nowadays >:\
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?
LIFE.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.