Aed jokes
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.
I apologize for my grammar.
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!
Q: What does LMAO mean?
A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.
How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.