Aed jokes

Men wake up with a boner.

Women wake up yawning.

Coincidence?

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.

what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb.

Where does a girl with one leg work?

IHOP.

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.

My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."

So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.

What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?

How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"

His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."

Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

How do you cut ancient Rome in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?

She screamed until her hands got tired.

How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?

It isn't hard.

I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...

How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.