Aed jokes

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

A boy and his mother survived a car crash.

The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."

Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?

A: I'd hit that.

Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.

Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?

A: Nothing! He was hung over.

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"

What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

A stab wound.

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

During a phone call:

"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"

"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."

A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."

The room was full of arm amputees.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?

"You have a great singer inside you."

A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.

Lol. It was just a prank, bro.

Watching the 9/11 documentaries, just watching a kill cam.