Aed jokes
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.
I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted someone to call "daddy."
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.