Aed jokes
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.
Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.
I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.