Aed jokes
When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
best friend makes 9/11 joke.
you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."
best friend: "I'm sorry."
you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.
Gays: "I like men."
Straight: "I like women."
Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!