Aed jokes
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
What is Mexican's favorite food? A taco.
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
Why did the parachute refuse to open?
Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
A person with a wheelchair and a football, then they are Rocket League.
Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
Because he was afraid of getting LOST in the BARS.
How can you make a orphans hand bleed?
Real them to clap until there parent come home.
I think I was a little too harsh on Jason.
Anybody who was conceived in the back of a pickup truck during a family reunion is bound to have a few issues.
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
The only thing worse for a man than the end of the world is a testicular clinic.
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
What do you call a chubby Robert Pattinson? The Fatman.
You want to know how to spot a foster kid?
Them carrying their whole life in a Hefty trash bag.
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
Answer: A promise.
If you measured your hairline with a protractor, it would show 90 degrees.