There's no "I" in team but there is a "U" in cunt
What’s the difference between stephan hawking and a walkie talkie. He can’t walkie or talkie
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read "its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path." People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
walk in to a gun store everything was half off I didn't know back to school shopping started
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
When you send her a dick pic but then she sends you one right back...
How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs. What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his ass.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary? One of them knows the definition of no.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
