Aed jokes

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess.

His family is nuts.

His neighbor is an asshole.

His best friend is a pussy.

And his owner beats him.

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.

What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.

Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.

Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.

What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.

I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.