Aed jokes

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?

A kindergarden.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?

She rearranged all the furniture.

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.