Aed jokes

"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

"No, not until their parents pick them up."

A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”

My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?

A kindergarden.

What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?

She rearranged all the furniture.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.