A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
When I was 14 my mum caught me wanking and she slapped me across the face a couple weeks later my dad caught me having a beer and he made me drink 40 beers and I just thought we’ll I’m glad he didn’t catch me wanking
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
Teacher:Kids what does a chicken give you
Students: Eggs
Teacher: Very good now what does the pig give you
Kids: Bacon
Teacher: Excellent now what does the fat cow give you
Kids: Homework
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes.
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
why cant hitler join track? because he cant even finish a race
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tail? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, " Yall mutherfuckers aint gonna believe dis shit"
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone
Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
Someone asked me why I'm Still here...the answer is simple I don't want to be used as a school assembly
A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
