Aed jokes
Why can't Hitler join track?
Because he can't even finish a race.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?
One comes out of the chamber.
If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.