What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
I go into get a prostate exam, I'm nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
A boy walks up to a girl and says " i would tell you a joke about my dick but it's too long" then the girl say's " yeah, i would tell you a joke about my pussy but you'll never get it."
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child? She rearranged all the furniture.
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!
Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
