Aed jokes
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”