My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.
What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits."
Water was found on Mars.
Mars: 1 Africa: 0
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.
You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.
You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.