What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
What’s the best kind of candy to offer at a Pride parade?
Skittles.
What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, you fucking racist!
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.