What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
What is the difference between a microwave and a gay guy?
A microwave doesn’t brown your meat.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?
Alabama wind chimes.
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.
It’s called Finding Chemo.
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.