Shower thoughts

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What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer? A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles

Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.