What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
Shower thoughts
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
Do you know why I finger women with my left hand? They don’t deserve rights!
What's kobe favorite song. It's going down for real
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot But he nailed that mountain
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
The judge asked me "How does 5 to 10 years sound?" I said "Sexy."
When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path. Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbians bed? None, it's all tongue and groove.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at three hoes.
How do you stop a baby from crying? You drown it.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have it's perks.... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park? He kept cutting in line.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs? The 2028 US election.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.