What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
miracle whip
Shower thoughts
Why is Santa always so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live?
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman
The back of my hand
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash
The gay guy says "somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!" . The trucker says "what the fuck did you just say fucker? Get over here I'm gonna wreck your ass!" . The gay man then says "it's okay everybody don't call he police! He wants to negotiate"
A girls walks into an Adult Store. "Hi I want to buy that Red Dildo right there"
Cashier: that's a Fire Extinguisher you whore"
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home she said yes, so I took it
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
My wife asked me to please quit singing Wonderwall in the shower
I said maybe.
What is worse than seeing your sibling drown? Getting the water bill
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma? I cried when I cut up the onions
How do you ground a gen z? Make them go outside and socialize
My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2 He never talks about it.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute
You end up doing all the work
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad
Santa got the milk
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus? You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame-up
Why are carpenters never horny after work? Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things
Who is Bill Cosby’s favourite Disney princess? Sleeping Beauty
Why are obese jokes so offensive? Because fat people have enough on their plate