My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.
Who wins?
Society.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
Obese is the N-word for fat people.
Obese is the N-word for fat people.
What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?
Geo dude.
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
It’s true, women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower-paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher-paying jobs like doctor or lawyer, whereas women choose the lower-paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?
To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.
Why can’t trans men enjoy chocolate?
It uses Hershey pronouns.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.