why is 6 afraid of 7?
because 7 is a registered 6 offender
murder muffin
heyyey i like dark humor :) go like my jokes 👊👊
when my grandpa was 65 he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
he's 70 now and we have no idea where he is
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain
me: hey, are your parents home?
orphan: (crying) stop calling here
me: brags about my 30 kill streak
the jury: O.o
me: *gets down on one knee*
girlfriend: omg, it's finally happening
me: *falls over*
girlfriend: the poison is kicking in
"the floor is lava!"
- everyone, pompeii 79 A.D
me: *stabs vampire*
wife: omg
me: *beats vampire to death*
wife: OMG
me: what
wife: ur supposed to give them candy
me: well thats a sticky situation now isnt it barbara
me: i'm going to steal your heart
her: omg thats so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
[being buried alive]
murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.