I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
πππ€π€π’π―
The Earth quakes and the sky rumbles,
As the inevitable draws near.
They try to hide from his overwhelming glory,
But it is too late.
The legend is upon us.
The πππ€π€π’π― is approaching.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, Where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What do women and Nvidia have in common?
They both do not make very good drivers.
What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?
Names.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When itβs intersected by a plane.
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
What do you call a Pakie with a wooden leg?
Shit on a stick.
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
Women β
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction".
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together. Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me? Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house. Police: ... Child: π Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds", so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
