Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction".
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together. Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me? Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house. Police: ... Child: π Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
Women β
The new pandemic is feminism and all kinds of democratic thinking. COVID is a joke compared to these nasty ass diseases.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?
Canβt believe how ungrateful my dwarf next door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to βfuck offβ. In the end I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital and everyone starts sleeping better.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
TEQUILA!
Ever heard of iLadies? I laid deez nutz on yo' face!
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.