The cemetery is so crowded. People are just dying to get in.
Centrebro
Dark Jk 4 EVER
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today. Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow? Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you. Orphan: Why? Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’ I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because he’s dead.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What’s an orphan’s favorite beer? Fosters
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner? They wanted some family time.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?" "I'm a butcher," he replies.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people? - Just switch off the lights.