Why doesn't Mexico have a Olympic team? Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S
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I am a youtuber and streamer, I play basically anything you can think of, Minecraft, Terraria, sometimes Roblox, and non-professional sports.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.
Wife: “I want another baby.” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”
A child determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
Never break someone’s heart. They only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Adam and eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?" Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." so adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?" God says, " You are what you are." Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "everytime someone lies, it ticks once, Mother Terresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, " Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
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