Autterpop

I made a video game about a depressed self-harming goth. It's mostly unskippable cutscenes though.... :/

An ugly arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins, Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice,"

If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems.... ...if I could just get the right people to try it.

[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide. Tbh they really left me hanging there

A wife was cleaning 12-year-old son’s bedroom When she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags, she asked her husband, “what do we do?” The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression. It’s called Enditol.

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..

I now suffer from anxiety aND depression :\

Tried committing suicide last night...

Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself! :0

How did the man with no arms commit suicide? We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

White girl : So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight? Me holding a rock of meth : YES!!!

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression... Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

-a beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide-

a homeless man walks by her and says "what are you doing?"

she says "im going to jump"

the homeless man says "if youre going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

the woman replies "no way creep! never that!"

the homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says

"thats fine, I'll just wait til you're at the bottom"

Whats an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt me.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried —I think she’s jokindkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf

What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you.

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still cant f*ck."