What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
Worst Jokes Ever
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
How many feet are in feet?
I'm stumped.
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land doesn't wave back! 🤣
What did the blind deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.
Is die?
I got kicked outta the poker game.
They said I was a little cheetah.
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
What did momma seal name her twin girls?
Luceal and Sealia.
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
Why do orphans look at a house for so long?
'Cause they never had one.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.