Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You can hang the picture with one nail.

A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.

Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

A woman was in the Twin Towers. She orders a pepperoni pizza but got a plane pizza.

My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.

Have a guess who came crawling back?

What do you call a polar bear with mood swings?

A bipolar bear.

Lol

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

What did Hitler kill himself with? A "Nein"-millimeter.

I made a website for orphans.

There’s no homepage.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."

So I replied, "No, it doesn't."

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple has a family tree.

When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.

I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.