Worst Jokes Ever
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
What do you call an Asian telephone?
Ling Ling.
Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.
What type of flour do orphans use?
- Self-raising.
Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"
The Twin Towers ordered a sesame bagel. They got the plane one instead.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see or hear their parents.
Did you hear about the orphan who ran away from home?
Wait a minute! What am I talking about?
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Spider-Man: Homecoming."
What was Juice WRLD's favorite store?
Forever 21.
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
Your Mama so fat, when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed but the sidewalk cracked up.
What do you call a sneaky SCP-096?
The Spy Guy!
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
Because they can’t home run.
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.