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Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.

"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"

"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"

Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?

(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!

"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"

"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"

"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!

Neona (😁): Agreed!

Neona: Gwen?

Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?

Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!

Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!

Neona: Are you mad at me?

Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.

Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Patient: Good news!

Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."

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    • Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak?

    Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.

    Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mind?

    Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals. The people will go nuts for a great deal!

    Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.

    Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up! Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?

    Neona: Hmm...let's see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......

    Clarie: I don't even care if it was a joke he made on me, you and Karlen, and if you think I'm getting over it, then you must have an oatmeal for a brain.

    Jordan: Clarie ... you are so sensitive when she tells a little joke about you, me, and Karlen.

    Clarie: It was painful!

    Jordan: Who cares? I laughed. Ben is not a bad person, okay, calm down.

    Clarie: Ben is a bad person. We are making friends with a bully/thug, but you say that he is not a "bad person", my mom is going to kill me if she finds out that I am hanging out with those kinds of people!

    Jordan: Then don't tell her! Listen, I need you, give Ben a chance! Please?

    Clarie: Shush, Karlen is coming!

    Karlen: Hey guys, that Ben guy for sure has a way of saying words, I wish I could hurt him!!

    What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...

    We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.

    Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.

    Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.

    Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.

    Amber: Fine!!!!!

    Gina: Maryen? Karlya? Amber? Kristie? Why isn't it listed that she's here?

    Zari: Your sister isn't listed in the meantime, just relax.

    Gina: That still doesn't answer why she's not listed. I want her to see me!

    Zari: Anyway, it will be time for your medications, we have the gixen and the Uiasends.

    Gina: Do you know my sister's name?

    Zari: Yes. Her name is Jalien.

    Gina: Fine, I don't care!!!

    "Creeper, aww man,"

    "Today we back in the mine, got our pickaxe swinging from side to side, side, side to side."