Twos jokes
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Why is America so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Memes
I was rolling dice online and this is the first two I get
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.
But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.
Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" π€£ππ€£ππππ
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.