Twos jokes
An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Read the title.
What do you call a fish with two knees?
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks...
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
What do you call a Twinkie with two pairs of pants?
Double trousers.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...