Twos jokes
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
What's better than one dead baby?
Two dead babies.
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
Two's company, cheese a crowd!
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"
The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"
He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
There are more than two genders.
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.