They're jokes
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?
They're both white and flavorless.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
I hate stairs, they're always up to something.
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.
Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"
And I said: "They're the exact same thing."
Then they said: "But when did it happen?"
So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"
Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They’re always so twisted!