Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags „We have nuclear submarines which can stay under water for six weeks without having to resurface!“. Trump goes on „Six weeks? That’s nothing. I have the best submarines, they‘re underwater für at least three months!“. Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - „Heil Hitler! We need Diesel.“
D'jahear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover
How do Chinese people name they're babys?
The chuck a pan down the stairs
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
Lettuce stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
If a blind person can’t see then, do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep
why cant orphan be robbers cause they're not wanted
What’s bin Laden got in common with SpongeBob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, and they’re filled with holes.
Why are cheetahs not good at hiding?They’re always spotted
What do clams do on their birthday they shellbrate but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish
What's worse than a failed suicide you ask? I fail suicide cuz you forgot to do the dishes and ur parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you not yourself
Why are these jokes bad? They're literally the worst jokes ever.
why are nazis so good at soccer?
Because they're so good at shooting
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're all shellfish.
Never trust stairs, they're always up to something.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian. -- Well they're not laughing now!
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
Why do Mexicans only drink hot drinks
Because they're afraid of ice
why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they're good at it.
