Their jokes
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
When Chinese babies are born, they should put a sticker on their forehead saying "MADE FROM CHINA".
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
RIP K.
When they have a party, they're racist. When they hang out with Ys, they're mean.
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
You can always bully an orphan. Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find their parents.