Their jokes
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.
You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?
What do bees brush their hair with?
A honeycomb.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?
Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?
Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”