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Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.

The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.

The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"

The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.

What is the order of finish?

1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.

2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.

3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.

  • 6

    • What do you do when you see a sad orphan?

    Nothing, let them wait for their parents.

  • 8

    • What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.

    Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

    Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

    Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

    Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

    Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

    Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

    Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

    Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.

  • 5

    • Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

    A. Because they hate the taste of their stupid clown wigs, makeup, and retarded shoes.

    When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

    Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.

    Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.

  • 2

    • A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.

    Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.

    I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂

    If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

    A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

    A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

    Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."